counting my blessings...

i'll admit. i've been in a crummy, crummy mood lately. and i guess i've not been the most pleasant human being to be around in recent times, especially towards my immediate family. but i'm all smiles now, and unlike what i said below, i think it's time to go on record...

sarah: first on the list cos i think i wouldn't be smiling at all thanks to your really sweet plan to try and get me to perk up, which is prompting the writing of this entry. i honestly haven't laughed so hard (even watching all that russell peters and adult swim on youtube didn't come close to evoking the laughter that erupted from me...) when kelly told me that about what you tried to orchestrate. i sorta had a hunch about what you were trying to tell me when you smsed me that night(cos becks leaked it out by accident), but i had no idea that you were the originator. hug-greg-athon may not have worked out like you planned it to (cos everyone decided to hug me during mass during the peace be with you), but i think it's cheered me up big time. i'm deeply, deeply touched by your efforts. thanks for listening ear and reassuring words. and most of all, thanks for helping me rediscover that laughing little boy in me.

kelly: next up cos you had such a hand in revealing sarah's machinations. sorry i'm breaking the seal of confidentiality tho... but like you said, i'm sure you'll surivive sarah. thank you so much for hearing me out. i think you've heard the most from me about how i feel about what's going on and i think i would really be tearing myself apart inside if i didn't vent things out to you. your gentle words and steady advice have really soothed my restless spirits, even though they don't seem to heed them at the time of dispensation. and if you hadn't spilt the beans, i don't think i'd be smiling like the cheshire cat i am right now.

the 27 guys: my brothers in arms. i know i've tried to distance myself somewhat from you guys in my moodiest points, but i know that you guys are there for me 100%. even though jem's busy with hui min and that dod's an asswipe of a monkey. hur hur. while i may not want to talk that much about what's going on, your constant enquiries and displays of support are truly, truly appreciated. we definitely need to do a ball game soon. my hands are itching.

david: my best friend, i don't know where i'd be without having someone like you around. retail therapy to us means transformers, but that spree at falcon's did do my soul some good. i've gotten 5 cool figs as a result, and while it means 5 more figs to pack, they're 5 really sweet figs to distract me at the moment. and like the 27 lads, i know you're always there for me should i need someone to rely on. i look forward to packing up my cabinet of tfs with you when the time comes. it'll be helluva fun =)

peter: i have to thank the person i find it easiest to vent anything i can with cos we're so similar in so many ways. you're probably the person who understands me best in CSA cos of that. just knowing you're there to give me that boost and to talk about things makes me feel assured.

the freshies: i've not known you guys for a year yet, but you guys have become an integral part of my life within this short span of time. i guess that's cos i've not had any other community in CSA other than the 15th exco and the previous FOC comm and i've found a home in your company. i've had some really great times with you guys like the after investiture outing, the k-box sessions, the new year's eve and cny, supper, the sending-offs... your support and care for me in this tumultuous period for me has been tremendous. van, becks, cheryl, iggy, alex and the whole crew, thanks for your love and prayers always.

liz, ash james and anyone else from ntu i've missed out who's asked about me: thank you guys too for your love, care, support, well wishes and prayers. i truly, truly appreciate your friendship and what you guys have given to me. i can't effectively reflect in words just how much each kind word of support or advice meant to me. i just can't do the favours you've done me any justice at the moment, and i hope i repay you all in kind when i can.

the 0612A gang: you guys have played a big role too. i've been a little withdrawn and moody, but i can't ignore the shows of support you've given me as well.

thanks leo for hearing me vent out initially when the proverbial first hit the fan. it might not seem like much, but every bit of support matters to me.

kudos to you too em, for asking about me and giving me a listening ear. i made a good deal of ranting and raving to you, and i appreciate the patience and giving you showed to hear me out.

your unequivocal support was really touching jo, and i'm ever grateful. thanks for checking in on me and listening to me that night... without people like you around, God knows what i'd be like now. domo arigatou. *bows*

i guess i was being sort of a biatch when i brought my situation into play, ain, but i truly hope it did make ya feel better. at the same time, i'm thankful for the concern you've shown me and your sttempts to cheer me up. your efforts weren't unnoticed, and i appreciate it.

as for the rest like mingwei, conan and kalyn, your well wishes and letting me know that you're available to me has moved me as well. i may not have seemed entirely grateful then, but i really, really thank you for your efforts.

i really don't know where i'd be without all you wonderful people. one must really feel blessed to have companions such as yourselves and i am definitely feeling likewise. thank you all once again for the love, care and concern that you've all showered me with. i just can't help but say that i love ya all too.

something to share...

got this from mag. get your own birth verse right here.

i suppose God does speak to us in funny ways, even through something as secular as a website. this is my birth verse...

Matthew 6:20 NIV
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

this came from one of Jesus's teachings that also gave the beatitudes and is about the true treasure that heaven provides... and the words really do ring true to me in this whole mess at the moment. doing my research and digging up the rest of this passage from my jerusalem bible...

Do not store up treasures for yourselves on earth, where moths and woodworms destroy them and thieves can break in and sreal. But store up treasures for yourselves in heaven, where neither moth nor woodworms destroy them and thieves cannot break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

words that mean much to me in this time of worry.

searching for the light within the darkness, seeking the calm within the storm...

sorry for not coming up with anything new, especially if you've been tuning in faithfully to check if this space has been updated. just not been in a good mood lately, with all that proverbial hitting the fan here at home. i'd love to rant in anger about a lot of things, but i guess things done in anger will never get anything done. especially when you never know that the dumbest word you just uttered could be turned against you to remove the ground you're standing on and have you on your knees. remind me to never, ever get involved in a situation where lawyers are involved... unless of course you're already my friend who is a lawyer then i guess it's a different story.

but yeah. things are gonna change around here. i may not like it, but i guess a directive is coming from somewhere up there for some change to take place in this otherwise comfortable life of mine. for better or for worse, i guess it's up to me to decide now. my fate has been decided that such circumstances must be handed onto me and my family to further our education in this lesson called life.

i really hate the injustice and dirty tactics that i've witnessed, how technicalities and words have been exploited to floor an otherwise good man. this shady darkness makes my blood boil and seethe to the bone, yet i am powerless to stop it occurring right in front of my eyes. unfortunately, that's what all systems we live in are like. it's all good and dandy when it's kind to you when you comply with it, but it's the most vindictive, horrible, merciless and bloodthirsty when you fall afoul of it. ah. the vileness and darnkess of humankind. yet...

there is good to be derived from all of this. i may not truly feel it in its entirety yet, but i'm starting to believe that there is a silver lining. it may not be the john proctor ending of going down sticking to your guns as i had envisioned, but at least the crucible of life continues to work. i've seen support pour in from everyone who truly knows us. i've seen the beauty of family and friendship at work in my life. i've seen what true friendship is all about, even when i'm in my darkest moments, consumed with rage and despair. i've come to realize the people who truly do care about me and my family, the ones who are still willing to give a hand or a shoulder of support when the chips are down.

you people know who you are. i don't need to point you out, cos that halo around your head glows more than bright enough to let the whole wide world know who you are. your words of comfort mean the world to me, and i am truly touched by your love and support even when i've felt hopeless and lost.

thank you.