last post from jalan greja

it's strange when you don't really feel all that sad when you're leaving the place that you've called home for the last 23 years.

even though i've either always wished i didn't have to take the damned 14s that always took so bloody long to show up to get home, or that i could be following some of my friends home since they stay up in the north or west together, i somehow never really did mind so much about those long, sometimes lonely, journeys.

i mean, this place is the only place that i've called home for my whole life. i even remember bawling my little eyes out when i was 5 or 6 when we had to rennovate this place and i saw the workers knocking out the wall on mom's room...

heh. those good old days when i used to sleep on the floor on those disney patterned mattresses in mom and dad's room, with the clip on lamp hanging off the edge of mom's dressing room drawer. the first one was black i think, and eventually, it was replaced with a white one.

and then i remember how i was so 'fraidy cat to sleep here on my own that i resolved that when i turned 10, i would sleep in this room and claim it as my own. haha. though i hated using this shower because the water never heated up quick enough unlike mom's shower where hot water sprung forth the moment the faucet was opened.

then there were those troubled times, where i ran out crying from the house ater fighting with mom. i can't remember what we were fighting about anymore, just that i got fed up with mom caning me. i even grabbed the cane from her once and broke it. 'twas those horrible growing up days. i remember how i ran as fast as my legs could carry me away from the yelling and the pain, screaming back that my folks never understood me. eventually i'd tire, and while i usually ran off to the canal, there was one time i just ran the other way and stopped at the curb outside someone else's house. and for some reason, i'd just take out my rosary scapular and pray whilst still sobbing uncontrollably. i don't know why, but i just felt like the repititions just made me calm down and re-focus myself. there was once i remember granma coming out to find me, another time it was dad. i recall resisting once or twice, but there was also the day i'd actually walk back home on my own when i felt sorry enough for myself.

then there were those happy days. like those sundays where the whole gang came down to greja. and christmas eve and new year's eve and chinese new year. the feasting and merriment. ah. and godpa used to come over every saturday too.

and of course, my birthdays, esepcially the few that led up to my 21st. haha. it was crazy, but serving the guys and jumping around from group to group kinda taught me a lesson or two about hosting people, which isn't easy at all. but i relished every moment since it was rare that i'd invite anyone over to my place cos it just felt so out of the way. so much that i wished that no one had to leave because it was so fun having my friends around the house.

despite all that, part of me is glad to leave and begin a new adventure.

here's to you greja. i'll miss you and remember you, but tomorrow holds a brand new adventure in store for me. and i intend to relish it as i embark on it.